Maybe Next Year - a photo on Flickriver

Maybe Next Year

            I pulled my box of Christmas decorations out of the closet because I really wanted to try this year, but you see, the relationship I have with the holiday season doesn't resemble anything amicable. I have been a secular person ever since I can remember, so the religious connection with Christmas is all but lost on me, but I have several warm childhood memories, which I did carry into adulthood. I always knew no matter what changes I incurred during my lifetime, I knew the holiday season as something that would remain a comforting, unadulterated anchor in my life.

This all changed a few years ago, ironically, during a family holiday celebration. It was two days before Christmas and everyone was heading home from the party that was held at my parent's house; we all said our goodbyes saying we would all see each other in a few days. My parents live in rural southern Indiana, which is a hilly, heavily forested, and a very dark place at night. My girlfriend at the time and I were headed home when we came upon an accident scene; not putting all the pieces together, I naively approached the scene to see if I could offer any assistance. Shortly after I arrived on the scene, I stared in shock to notice that it was my sister Megan in the car; her side of the car was T-boned in excess of 60mph, killing her instantly. To this day, I have flashbacks of the scene, and making that horrific phone call to my frantic parents. Her funeral was a few days before New Years day.

Fast forward another year and the holiday season was being spent in a different kind of hell. I was having a really bad flareup of colitis and asthma, in which I was on medications galore, including steroids, in which I gained a decent amount of weight. I was also facing down a really traumatic and rough breakup with a woman whom I was with for over four years.

This holiday season has thrown me no curve balls as of present, which has an upside and a downside. This may sound morbid, but with a tragedy to endure or a struggle to overcome; I have always handled these situations with complete grace; but now I must do what I hate the most, and that is to contend with my own racing thoughts and this isolated lifestyle I've created for myself. I do know that things will get better with time, and perhaps they already have. If I were feeling this were a few years ago, I would have made some phone calls and got myself 'well'. Now, I'm expressing my angst through my creativity in the form of sculpting and photography.

As I think about it now, perhaps progress has been made, I've shed MOST of my destructive habits and am getting out more; I will also be attending a glass blowing class in January, which I'm pretty excited about. I know now, things will get better, but for now, the box is going back in the closet.

Taken on: December 21, 2009

Groups appears in: • unrequited love • This is why.... more » • Bleak • restless souls - firework minds « less

Camera: Canon EOS DIGITAL REBEL XSi, f/4.5, 0.4 sec, 28mm, ISO 400 (more info) (hide info)

Camera:	Canon EOS DIGITAL REBEL XSi
Aperture:	f/4.5
Exposure Time:	0.4
Focal Length:	28mm
ISO:	400
Exposure Bias:	0 EV
Flash:	Off, Did not fire
Exposure Program:	Manual
Exposure Mode:	Manual
Metering Mode:	Multi-segment
White Balance:	Auto
Color Space:	sRGB
Software:	Adobe Photoshop CS4 Windows
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