Your Crazy, Drunk Uncle (for more info, read text ;-)

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European hornet (Vespa crabro), 10-2022, Ticino, Switzerland

If you're interested, you can find my best photos of the WILDLIFE IN TICINO, SWITZERLAND here: fr.lacerta-bilineata.com/l%C3%A9zard-vert-occidental-lace...

THE STORY BEHIND THE PHOTO:
I guess you can tell by the look on its face that this is not a happy hornet. That's not unusual for hornets - truth be told, variations of "not happy" "angry", or at least "badly irritated" seem to be pretty much their natural state of mind - but what's interesting about the fella above is that he also wasn't exactly sober.

To spell it out more clearly: that was one hammered hornet. It was so drunk in fact, it couldn't fly for two seconds straight without crashing. I shot that photo in my garden last fall, but as with all my pictures, I'll try to give you a bit more context.

Every year at least one hornet queen decides that some crack or hole inside the thick stone walls of my 400-year old house in Ticino is the perfect place to raise her royal family.

That in itself wouldn't pose a problem, but if there's one thing we know about "royals", it's that they're a complicated bunch (though it has to be said for both princes William and Harry that they rarely build little palaces inside the walls of some stranger's house, but I digress).

There is a slight potential for conflict; in my experience, all hornets are born with a sweet tooth and a bad temper, and particularly when there's ripe figs in my garden, tensions can rise.

That is entirely my fault though, because I still sometimes foolishly try to negotiate the human place in the food- (or rather: fruit-) chain, despite knowing perfectly well that fig season isn't the time to want to improve human-hornet relations, as any attempt in that regard will inevitably follow the same frustrating pattern:

Human: "Oh hello there Ms Hornet, how nice to meet you here at the fig tree - isn't the weather just lovely?"
Hornet: "Bzzzzzz. I have a sting. Bzzzzz. Go away. Bzzzzz."
Human: "There is really no need to be so angry, dear Ms Hornet: we're all friends here, and there's enough figs for all of us! How are the kids, I mean... larvae?"
Hornet: "Bzzzzzz. I have a sting. Bzzzzz. Go away. Bzzzzz."
Human: "Jeez, OK - relax! I can see you have a sting, I'm going, all right? You can have all the figs Ms Hornet, see: I'm already leaving!"
Hornet: "Bzzzzz. Yes, I have a sting. Bzzzzz. Don't come back. Bzzzzz."

And that's how THAT conversation goes.

Yet despite our occasional differences (like when I nearly died of smoke inhalation because Her Royal Hornet Majesty had decided my chimney was another suitable place for her nest), I'm happy to report we generally get along quite well, unless... - well, unless the hornets are intoxicated.

It's one of nature's lesser known facts (or perhaps its dirty secret) that many of our friends in the animal kingdom occasionally like to get high, and hornets are no exception. Not on anything illegal, mind; they are law-abiding insects after all, so you won't see them smoke crack or snort cocaine (although with some hornets I wouldn't rule that out completely 😉).

No: their usual drug of choice is alcohol, which my irritable neighbors find - surprise! - in my fig tree. Once some of the overripe fruit start to ferment, their potent juices become a magnet for hornets - and that's when the trouble starts.

It should come as no surprise that "hornets and hooch" are an inherently problematic combination. Because the crux with alcohol is this: it doesn't alter your personality, it only brings out the character traits that are already there without a filter, so you just become a terribly unrestrained version of yourself when you drink too much.

Which with hornets - who aren't the most cheerful bunch even on a good day - is a recipe for disaster. They are MEAN drunks - and I'm not kidding, oh boy. All that bottled-up anger constantly boiling underneath that shiny, chitin surface from the moment they hatch is finally released into the world, and it's not a pleasant sight, let me tell you.

Alcohol REALLY doesn't seem to improve their mood, and the other animals in my garden all agree (and I concur) that the fig tree would be a much happier place if the hornets just smoked weed and listened to Bob Marley instead (if them getting high can't be avoided altogether).

To be fair though, not all hornets have a drinking problem. Most of them behave responsibly and "don't drink and fly" (which I'm sure is a motto that gets taught in hornet school from an early age). And they don't get high all year long: It's only when fall arrives that the hornets like to have a merry get-together in my fig tree to get a good "buzz on".

But you know how it is: just like with any good party, there's always the ONE guy who can't hold his liquor and basically turns into your crazy, drunk uncle at Christmas who starts picking fights with every one at the dinner table and insists on letting you know - very loudly - what he thinks about Trump or Biden or the Corona virus once he's had one too many.

Which finally brings me back to the fella in the photo above, because apparently he was THAT guy. That particular "drunk uncle" hornet sat underneath the fig tree on a fallen (and pretty rotten looking) fruit and was deep into its cups. As soon as it saw me, it started to buzz angrily and seemed intent on a confrontation, but it didn't manage to get airborne for more than a second.

After a few more failed attempts to lift off and a few more angry "Bzzzzzz" sounds (I think I actually did hear the words "Trump", "Biden" and "Corona" in there 😉), it just went back to boozing on the juices of the spoiled fig on the ground.

I left it to its own devices, happy that I got this quite expressive shot. 😊

P.S. I think it was actually a crazy, drunk AUNT - not an uncle 😉)

P.P.S. Just to make sure we understand each other (maybe as a disclaimer for readers who come to this gallery for the first time and aren't familiar with my kind of humor): I love the fact that these beautiful insects visit my garden. Watching how these efficient predators hunt wasps, horseflies or other insects is incredibly fascinating (adult hornets themselves mainly feed on sugary plant juices, but they hunt because their young need protein to grow).

Hornets may seem like they're constantly angry (which to me is funny - hence this text), but they're not; they're actually very peaceful towards humans, and even when you compete for a ripe fig with them, their furious buzzing is mostly just a bluff, and I've never been stung (and I don't know anyone who has).

Due to the unfounded fear many people have of hornets, who often get exterminated because they're confused with common wasps, this species is threatened in many countries (in Germany for example, hornets are a protected species). But unless you step (or sit) on them or destroy their nest, hornets don't attack, and even when they're drunk, they are usually so incapacitated that they are completely harmless (just like your uncle/aunt 😉).

So if you have hornets in your garden, just enjoy watching them and please don't harm them! 🙏 🙏 ❤ ❤

With that being said, I hope you like the photo and wish you all a wonderful weekend! Many greetings from Switzerland, and as always: let me know what you think in the comments 🙏 😊 ❤!

Taken in: Switzerland / Ticino / Monteggio (show map)

Taken on: October 10, 2022

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Camera: Sony DSC-RX10M4, 600mm, ISO 100 (more info) (hide info)

Camera:	Sony DSC-RX10M4
Focal Length:	600mm
ISO:	100
Flash:	Off, Did not fire
Exposure Program:	Program AE
Metering Mode:	Multi-segment
White Balance:	Auto
Color Space:	Uncalibrated
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