New Shoes - a photo on Flickriver

New Shoes

            My childhood (and now adulthood) was filled with odd phobias and beliefs. A long forgotten one resurfaced the other day for no apparent reason. It happened as it often does, sort of like a game of word association. One thought triggers another completely unrelated thought, and so on until some obscure recollection from decades ago remerges from the dark closet of repressed memory. In this case it was utter fear of wearing new shoes. Actually not the wearing of them per se, rather the reaction of other people seeing me in them. Probably a tie-in to a related phobia of not wanting to stand out in any way; literally a congenital desire to blend into the background. In my twisted thinking, new shoes would blow my cover and this was the cause of some high anxiety. As a result I would wear shoes well beyond their service life. Mom would threaten to throw away old shoes if I continued to wear them in public. When ‘new shoe’ day inevitably arrived I was a complete wreck. Even the act of purchasing them was awful. I still recall having to sit on a chair while a shoe salesman pressed my foot into one of those medieval looking measuring contraptions. Then out came the shiny new shoes from a box and onto my feet they went. Never liked the feel of new shoes, the stiffness and the awkwardness they caused me in walking (there was already enough of that as it was). That night I would set about trying to age the shoes by scuffing them up. Anything to erase the look of newness and help ease my transition into the next school day. Sad really, imagining some poor kid, holed up in his bedroom trying to distress his brand new shoes. But such is my life.

That’s a long intro for this photo, but still appropriate. I visited a sunflower field near sundown recently. It’s one of those things that most every photographer dreams of and most of us will shoot sooner or later. And I always wonder how I will interpret a scene that has already been shot by a million others before me. As luck would have it, I arrived at just the right time of day, just before sunset with ideal sky and cloud conditions. The resulting photos were languid and immersed in vibrant color. A lovely photo, but it didn’t quite fit my through-line of dreary beauty. But by toning down the color and brightness a bit, I achieved exactly the look and feel I was going for. In many ways, the original photo was like my new school shoes. Just needed a little distressing before I could feel comfortable wearing them.

Taken on: September 11, 2021

Tags:

self conscious

fleeting

death

memories

boundary

metaphor

searching

dreary

drab

bleak

denatured

sunset

seasons

cycles

phases

childhood

outcast

mindset

energy

unique

conceptual

through line

visual

forlorn

witness

moment

spin

opportunity

twilight « less

Groups appears in: • Rural America - (Opted out of 30/60) • Rural Photos more » • ..:: I LOVE DARK PHOTOS ::.. • The world through photography • Flower Flower Flower « less

Camera: Nikon D7000, f/6.7, 1/180 sec, 18mm (=27mm), ISO 400 (more info) (hide info)

Camera:	Nikon D7000
Lens:	18.0-200.0 mm f/3.5-5.6
Aperture:	f/6.7
Exposure Time:	0.006 sec (1/180)
Focal Length:	18mm (35mm equivalent: 27mm)
ISO:	400
Exposure Bias:	-1 EV
Flash:	On, Return detected
Exposure Program:	Manual
Exposure Mode:	Manual
Metering Mode:	Multi-segment
White Balance:	Auto
Gain Control:	Low gain up
Color Space:	sRGB
Software:	Adobe Photoshop 21.2 (Macintosh)
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