The end is the beginning
Part 1
I was going to ignore the small dot on my forehead, but I had a dream 3 nights in a row where I died – usually I take dreams metaphorically – so dying in a dream would signify a new beginning – not actual death – but when a dream persists, it can mean you are not addressing the situation. So I went to the doctor.
Dream (1 of 3 different ones).
I was in an office, large, open plan, plenty of light and activity – it was a lovely space, we all knew each other and there was a great atmosphere. Then the sky outside began to change, a deep beautiful grey turned dark, then green - outside became black with sparking lights.
An apocalyptic storm was approaching.
I thought I saw lights in the sky, inside the storm. As I watched, fascinated, the world around me turned into chaos. People running for the exits, others brandishing small curly tubes in their hands. The tubes glowed softly with points of soft blue light. They held them up and were lifted out of the building and began to fly off, over the storm, into the distance. Going somewhere a little more sunny and calm I thought.
I noticed that I too had one in my hand, it glowed beautifully.
A family friend emerged from the corner of the office. I’d not quite noticed before, but I think he’d always been there, watching me go through life, waiting for now. I felt detached and calm amid the panic around me.
He held out his hand, “come”, he said, “you are safe with me”.
Then we were flying up out of the building, the people scrambling in the office below seemed from another world. The city was in panic and I looked up and saw, he had a large tube of light, I sensed there was love and power. And I understood, I was leaving this world, I was going home.
Dream Ends.
Each time I awoke from a dream I was left with a strong sense of love, peace and acceptance– It felt like a guardian angel had come to take me home. So the dream cycle has made me experience the feeling of going home, not dying, and that in a way, is a great comfort.
Part 2
When I went to my doctor, my doctor didn’t know what to make of the small blue dot, so she called another doctor, who knew what to make of it. He suggested my doctor enlist the help of another doctor to help her remove it.
However, my doctor went away on holiday. When I tried to see another doctor instead of my doctor, I was told there was no other doctor other than my doctor who could see me. So two weeks later, I saw my doctor with another doctor, who took one look at it and said “oh, that’s not good. I can’t touch that, you’ll need to see yet another doctor, or should I say, surgeon for a biopsy”.
I made a few calls and got myself put on the urgent list for the biopsy. When I saw the surgeon he asked me why I was so worried about a perfectly concentric blue dot, as it’s the wrong shape and colour to be dangerous. All blue dots are benign, well, except in the rarest of cases.
I said “It’s a little inconvenient to die at the moment”, but I felt reassured by his certainty that all was well.
Dream 4
That night - I had a dream that I was backstage, in a dressing room – the make-up person was removing parts of my face and patching it back together again with paste – I got a little worried, but he told me not to worry – once he was finished I received the curtain call and went back on stage and saw myself performing under the lights. It was fun out there and I loved it.
End of Dream 4
Now I don’t base my entire life around dreams, but sometimes we are given a little help to set our minds mentally for the task ahead. My reading of this is that I will have some more time, but it’s going to be a long rough road.
Ah, alas, the reassuring surgeon was wrong, I am stage 3-B as it has metastasized into the lymph system. Survival odds, about 60% to make the next five years. I will make the best of it, and win, because I know if I don’t, my wife will kill me :-).
Advice, thoughts and your
own experiences are most welcome.
© G P F for All images and text, please do not use without my express permission.
